I smiled softly as I closed down the Zoom room after the ‘Break the Spell of Under-Earning’ Round table with colleagues Linda Perry and Belinda Rosenblum.
We didn’t talk about strategy or numbers.
We didn’t talk about how to position yourself for the next raise.
We didn’t mention how to make your first six or seven figures.
Our conversation started with building the foundations of self-worth.
This room was feminine leadership in action.
Instead of throwing more knowledge and strategy at you, we focused on the foundations for lasting change.
That’s because knowledge alone will not save you despite that narrative being engrained into our society for hundreds of years.
This can be destabilizing at first for people (like me!) who have spent their entire lives collecting degrees, certifications, accolades, and praise from the outside world.
People come to work with me when they have tried this pathway to success and have it “all” on paper.
Yet despite their accomplishments, they still don’t feel like they're enough.
This is unconscious masculine energy in action.
It’s the feeling that no matter what you do, it is never enough.
→ When you’re at work you feel like you should be at home with the family.
→ When you’re raising a family, you feel like you should be focusing on your career.
→ When you’re focused on client delivery, in the back of your mind you feel like you need to be focusing on marketing and sales.
→ When you’re focused on marketing, you feel like you should be at the gym.
The unconscious masculine urges you to “think ahead”.
It says whatever you’re doing in the present moment has no value.
The result is feeling an internal sense of lack and low self-worth.
✨ When you bring the unconscious masculine energy to consciousness, you can repair the cracks in your foundation.
From there you’ll have a strong, unmovable, grounded, absolute “knowing” that you have worth no matter what unfortunate circumstance or a malicious remark comes your way.
How to repair the cracks: Here are a few suggestions to help you repair your foundation of self-worth.
Choose one activity that brings you joy like reading, napping, singing, dancing, or even watering your plants! Anything that brings you the feeling of joy.
Divide a piece of paper into three columns.
In the first column right the activity that brings you joy or even a task that you've completed.
In the second write: I am satisfied.
In the Third, write: and that’s enough.
This exercise may seem simplistic, yet its power is undeniable. After doing this exercise for a month, your relationship with self-worth will begin to expand.
Self-Worth Boosters 🚀
Create your own Energy Reboot Routine
Athletes and performers do this, so you can too!
Choose your song: an anthem that pumps you up when your energy is feeling low! Click here for song ideas!
Create Your Accomplishments and Praise List
Humans are hard-wired with the negativity bias. Negativity bias is thought to be an adaptive evolutionary function stemming from thousands of years of immediate environmental threats that we no longer need to worry about. It also plays a role in early childhood development because we don’t yet have life experience to go on. It’s helpful when we are young, and less so as we get older.
The negativity bias is our tendency not only to register negative stimuli more readily but also to dwell on these events.
For example, you self-publish your first book! You get 100 positive reviews and one slightly negative review, and that’s all you can focus on.
Create your accomplishment and praise list or a folder on your computer with client testimonials or compliments from your boss and co-workers. Whenever that one negative comment brings you down, go back to this list as a powerful reminder!
Get Moving
Moving gets you out of your mind where thoughts can circle and into your body. If you’re sensitive and tend to pick up on other people’s energy, movement can also help you clear energy that is not your own.
My motto: you will never regret going for a walk!
Make Space
Clutter can be a visible sign of unaccomplished work and deeply ingrained notions of tidy homes, triggering the unconscious masculine to add more reasons why you’re not doing
“enough.”
Set aside time to clear off your desk, clean out your closet, and donate anything that doesn’t make you feel vibrant and confident.
Take up Space!
Amy Cutty’s viral ted talk shows the power of taking up space physically, and I want to encourage you to take this deeper.
Slow down when you talk.
Take your time when introducing yourself.
Stop apologizing for things that need no apology.
Raise your hand to go first at the work meeting.
Decide on where you and your friends will go for dinner.
These are subtle yet powerful ways of taking up space!
And finally, breathing.
We do it every single day yet the power of our breath is often taken for granted.
Breathe when you listen to your anthem.
Breathe into your accomplishments.
Breathe when you choose what to wear.
Breathe when you introduce yourself.
Breathe into the satisfaction of doing what brings you joy!
With intentional attention, your self-worth will blossom!
Before I go I'd love to know, what's one activity that brings you joy? 📸 Message me over on Instagram to let me know!
To your expanded self-worth!
Coach Carly
P.S. If you'd like to learn how to optimize your energy, click here to book a complementary exploration call. We'll look at the work and social obligations that expand, and drain your energy so you have a clear starting point around the subtle shifts YOU get to make! I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorite books that just became a limited TV series, ''A Gentleman in Moscow’ by Amor Towels
“Walk like the ground beneath your feet belongs to you,
and you alone. Walk through life that way, too.”
- Anna Urbanova
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Carly Clark Zimmer - Heart-Centered Coach Courses
